http://www.cleveland.com/chardon-shooting/index.ssf/2012/02/parents_of_teen_accused_of_sho.html
Geauga County court records show the father of the teen who authorities say shot five students at Chardon High School on Monday had been arrested many times for violent crimes against women in his life, including Lane's mother...................................
The father, Thomas Lane Jr., was known to county authorities because of a series of arrests for abusing women in his life, court records show. It's not clear how much contact the father and son had.
But between 1995 and 1997, the boy's father and mother, Sara A. Nolan, were each charged with domestic violence against each other.
The father was later charged with assaulting a police officer and served time in prison after trying to suffocate another woman he married several years after his son was born, according to court records.
He held the woman's head under running water and bashed it into a wall, leaving a dent in the drywall, court records show.
But soon after he went to prison, the woman wrote a letter asking that he be released early.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Who would put their kids through this
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071203171759AAmsbpI
Sympathy for women who stay with abusive men?
Yes or No?
For me...most cases no.
For me...most cases no.
Additional Details
Couple things. One I was in the beginning stages. AND I LEFT. Second thing, a lot of women DO have places to go. Family, friends etc. who don't want to see them in that situation. Also there are a million programs to help women get out.
4 years ago
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
Thank you! I have absolutely no sympathy for weak women. I can't think of a single reason to stay with a man that beats you. Oh you have no where to go? That sounds more like you're to lazy to support yourself. Kids involved?? Thats even worse! You want your kids to grow up in an abusive household? I'm just tired of people looking at me like I'm Satan because I don't feel sorry for women who refuse to help themselves.
Other Answers (1 - 30 of 33)
hell no. its even worse if they have kids. I dont get women who stay with their abusive men.
But there are reasons why they do
1. The man makes them feel like they dont deserve any better
2 the woman doesn't want to admit the 'man of her life' is treating her that way
But there are reasons why they do
1. The man makes them feel like they dont deserve any better
2 the woman doesn't want to admit the 'man of her life' is treating her that way
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Children’s Problems Associated with Witnessing Violence
http://www.ncdsv.org/images/childrenwitnessingadultdv.pdf
Reviewed studies report a series of childhood problems statistically associated
with a child’s witnessing of domestic violence. These problems can be grouped
into the three main categories examining effects of recent witnessing – (1)
behavioral and emotional functioning; (2) cognitive functioning and attitudes; (3)
physical functioning – and a fourth category that examined long-term effects.
Each of these four categories are reviewed in more detail below.
Behavioral and emotional problems. The area in which there is probably the
greatest amount of information on problems associated with witnessing adult
domestic violence is in the area of children’s behavioral and emotional
functioning. Generally, studies using the Child Behavior Checklist (CBCL;
Achenbach & Edelbrock, 1983) and similar measures have found child witnesses
of domestic violence to exhibit more aggressive and antisocial (often called
“externalized” behaviors) as well as fearful and inhibited behaviors (
“internalized” behaviors) (Christopherpoulos et al., 1987; Davis & Carlson, 1987;
Fantuzzo et al., 1991; Holden & Ritchie, 1991; Hughes, 1988; Hughes, Parkinson
& Vargo, 1989; Jaffe et al., 1986; Jouriles, Murphy & O’Leary, 1989; Kerouac,
Taggart, Lescop & Fortin, 1986; Stagg, Wills & Howell, 1989; Wolfe et al., 1985),
and to show lower social competence than other children (Davis & Carlson, 1987;
Fantuzzo et al., 1991; Stagg, Wills & Howell, 1989; Wolfe et al., 1985, 1986).
Children who witnessed violence were also found to show more anxiety, selfesteem,
depression, anger, and temperament problems than children who did
not witness violence at home (Christopherpoulos et al., 1987; Forsstrom-Cohn &
Rosenbaum, 1985; Holden & Ritchie, 1991; Hughes, 1988; Martin et al., 1987;
Westra & Martin, 1981). Children from homes where their mothers were being
abused have shown less skill in understanding how others feel and examining
situations from others’ perspectives when compared to children from nonviolent
households (Hinchey & Gavelek; 1982).
Overall, these studies indicate a consistent finding across various samples and
differing methodologies that child witnesses of domestic violence exhibit a host
of behavioral and emotional problems. A few studies have reported finding no
differences on some of these measures, but these same studies reported
significant differences on other measures ( for example, Christopherpoulos et al.,
1987; Wolfe et al., 1986).
Page 10 of 25
Another aspect of the effects on children is their own use of violence. Social
learning theory would suggest that children who witness violence may also learn
to use it. Several researchers have attempted to look at this link between
exposure to domestic violence and subsequent use of it. Some support for this
hypothesis has been found. For example, Carlson (1990) found that adolescent
males who witnessed spouse abuse were significantly more likely to use violence
than non-witnesses. There were no significant differences found for females in
her study.
Cognitive functioning and attitudes. A number of studies have measured the
association between cognitive development problems and witnessing domestic
violence. Children resident in shelters were found to show significantly lower
verbal and quantitative skills when compared to a national sample (Westra &
Martin, 1991). Children’s exposure to adult domestic violence was also
significantly associated with greater immaturity and inadequacy among both
boys and girls (Jouriles, Murphy & O’Leary, 1989).
One of the most direct consequences of witnessing violence may be the attitudes
a child develops concerning the use of violence and conflict resolution. Jaffe,
Wilson and Wolfe (1986) suggest that children’s exposure to adult domestic
violence may generate attitudes justifying their own use of violence. Spaccarelli,
Coatsworth and Bowden’s (1995) findings support this association by showing
that adolescent boys incarcerated for violent crimes who had been exposed to
family violence believed more than others that “acting aggressively enhances
one’s reputation or self-image” (p. 173). Believing that aggression would enhance
their self-image significantly predicted violent offending.
Boys and girls appear to differ in what they learn from these experiences.
Carlson (1991) found that adolescent boys who witnessed domestic violence
were significantly more likely to approve of violence than were girls who had
also witnessed it.
Physical functioning. Few studies have reported on children’s physical
conditions. Larsson and Andersson (1988) found that Swedish children living in
families where adult domestic violence was occurring had “almost twice as
many admissions to the hospital (than controls). The majority had been
hospitalized during their pre-school age” (p. 166). Children in this study who
were exposed to domestic violence also recorded psychosomatic complaints
more often than children in control groups. Kerouac, et al. (1986) found that
children residing in a Montreal shelter were almost twice as often absent from
school for health problems when compared to government data on the general
populations of Canadian and American children.
Long-term effects on development. Most studies reviewed to this point have
examined child problems associated with recent witnessing of domestic violence.
A number of studies have mentioned much longer term effects reported
retrospectively by adults or indicated in archival records. For example, Silvern et
al. (1995) found that witnessing violence as a child was associated with adult
reports of depression, trauma-related symptoms and low self-esteem among
women and trauma-related symptoms alone among men. These effects appeared
to be independent of the effects of parental alcohol abuse and divorce. In the
same vein, Henning et al. (1996) found that adult women who had witnessed
domestic violence as a child showed greater distress and lower social adjustment
than non-witnesses. These findings persisted even after accounting for the effects
of witnessing parental verbal conflict, being abused as a child, and level of
reported parental caring.
There is also some support for the hypothesis that children from violent families
of origin carry violent and violence-tolerant roles to their adult intimate
relationships (Cappell & Heiner, 1990; Rosenbaum & O’Leary, 1981; Widom,
1989). For example, Rosenbaum and O’Leary (1981) reported that the male
batterers in their study were much more likely than others to have grown up in
homes where adult domestic violence was occurring. A similar finding is also
reported in a study by Barnett, Butler and Ryska (1987). Likewise, Suh and Abel
(1990) found that batterers who were abused as a child were more likely to abuse
their own children.
Finally, several authors have reported strong associations between childhood
victimization and later adult violent and criminal behavior (Rivera & Widom,
1990; Widom, 1989). Violent adolescents were shown to have been seriously
physically abused by a parent and to have witnessed weapons violations
between adults in their homes significantly more often than were others
(Spaccarelli, et al., 1995). These two variables, independently and in combination,
were significantly associated with an adolescent’s use of violence.
Reviewed studies report a series of childhood problems statistically associated
with a child’s witnessing of domestic violence. These problems can be grouped
into the three main categories examining effects of recent witnessing – (1)
behavioral and emotional functioning; (2) cognitive functioning and attitudes; (3)
physical functioning – and a fourth category that examined long-term effects.
Each of these four categories are reviewed in more detail below.
Behavioral and emotional problems. The area in which there is probably the
greatest amount of information on problems associated with witnessing adult
domestic violence is in the area of children’s behavioral and emotional
functioning. Generally, studies using the Child Behavior Checklist (CBCL;
Achenbach & Edelbrock, 1983) and similar measures have found child witnesses
of domestic violence to exhibit more aggressive and antisocial (often called
“externalized” behaviors) as well as fearful and inhibited behaviors (
“internalized” behaviors) (Christopherpoulos et al., 1987; Davis & Carlson, 1987;
Fantuzzo et al., 1991; Holden & Ritchie, 1991; Hughes, 1988; Hughes, Parkinson
& Vargo, 1989; Jaffe et al., 1986; Jouriles, Murphy & O’Leary, 1989; Kerouac,
Taggart, Lescop & Fortin, 1986; Stagg, Wills & Howell, 1989; Wolfe et al., 1985),
and to show lower social competence than other children (Davis & Carlson, 1987;
Fantuzzo et al., 1991; Stagg, Wills & Howell, 1989; Wolfe et al., 1985, 1986).
Children who witnessed violence were also found to show more anxiety, selfesteem,
depression, anger, and temperament problems than children who did
not witness violence at home (Christopherpoulos et al., 1987; Forsstrom-Cohn &
Rosenbaum, 1985; Holden & Ritchie, 1991; Hughes, 1988; Martin et al., 1987;
Westra & Martin, 1981). Children from homes where their mothers were being
abused have shown less skill in understanding how others feel and examining
situations from others’ perspectives when compared to children from nonviolent
households (Hinchey & Gavelek; 1982).
Overall, these studies indicate a consistent finding across various samples and
differing methodologies that child witnesses of domestic violence exhibit a host
of behavioral and emotional problems. A few studies have reported finding no
differences on some of these measures, but these same studies reported
significant differences on other measures ( for example, Christopherpoulos et al.,
1987; Wolfe et al., 1986).
Page 10 of 25
Another aspect of the effects on children is their own use of violence. Social
learning theory would suggest that children who witness violence may also learn
to use it. Several researchers have attempted to look at this link between
exposure to domestic violence and subsequent use of it. Some support for this
hypothesis has been found. For example, Carlson (1990) found that adolescent
males who witnessed spouse abuse were significantly more likely to use violence
than non-witnesses. There were no significant differences found for females in
her study.
Cognitive functioning and attitudes. A number of studies have measured the
association between cognitive development problems and witnessing domestic
violence. Children resident in shelters were found to show significantly lower
verbal and quantitative skills when compared to a national sample (Westra &
Martin, 1991). Children’s exposure to adult domestic violence was also
significantly associated with greater immaturity and inadequacy among both
boys and girls (Jouriles, Murphy & O’Leary, 1989).
One of the most direct consequences of witnessing violence may be the attitudes
a child develops concerning the use of violence and conflict resolution. Jaffe,
Wilson and Wolfe (1986) suggest that children’s exposure to adult domestic
violence may generate attitudes justifying their own use of violence. Spaccarelli,
Coatsworth and Bowden’s (1995) findings support this association by showing
that adolescent boys incarcerated for violent crimes who had been exposed to
family violence believed more than others that “acting aggressively enhances
one’s reputation or self-image” (p. 173). Believing that aggression would enhance
their self-image significantly predicted violent offending.
Boys and girls appear to differ in what they learn from these experiences.
Carlson (1991) found that adolescent boys who witnessed domestic violence
were significantly more likely to approve of violence than were girls who had
also witnessed it.
Physical functioning. Few studies have reported on children’s physical
conditions. Larsson and Andersson (1988) found that Swedish children living in
families where adult domestic violence was occurring had “almost twice as
many admissions to the hospital (than controls). The majority had been
hospitalized during their pre-school age” (p. 166). Children in this study who
were exposed to domestic violence also recorded psychosomatic complaints
more often than children in control groups. Kerouac, et al. (1986) found that
children residing in a Montreal shelter were almost twice as often absent from
school for health problems when compared to government data on the general
populations of Canadian and American children.
Long-term effects on development. Most studies reviewed to this point have
examined child problems associated with recent witnessing of domestic violence.
A number of studies have mentioned much longer term effects reported
retrospectively by adults or indicated in archival records. For example, Silvern et
al. (1995) found that witnessing violence as a child was associated with adult
reports of depression, trauma-related symptoms and low self-esteem among
women and trauma-related symptoms alone among men. These effects appeared
to be independent of the effects of parental alcohol abuse and divorce. In the
same vein, Henning et al. (1996) found that adult women who had witnessed
domestic violence as a child showed greater distress and lower social adjustment
than non-witnesses. These findings persisted even after accounting for the effects
of witnessing parental verbal conflict, being abused as a child, and level of
reported parental caring.
There is also some support for the hypothesis that children from violent families
of origin carry violent and violence-tolerant roles to their adult intimate
relationships (Cappell & Heiner, 1990; Rosenbaum & O’Leary, 1981; Widom,
1989). For example, Rosenbaum and O’Leary (1981) reported that the male
batterers in their study were much more likely than others to have grown up in
homes where adult domestic violence was occurring. A similar finding is also
reported in a study by Barnett, Butler and Ryska (1987). Likewise, Suh and Abel
(1990) found that batterers who were abused as a child were more likely to abuse
their own children.
Finally, several authors have reported strong associations between childhood
victimization and later adult violent and criminal behavior (Rivera & Widom,
1990; Widom, 1989). Violent adolescents were shown to have been seriously
physically abused by a parent and to have witnessed weapons violations
between adults in their homes significantly more often than were others
(Spaccarelli, et al., 1995). These two variables, independently and in combination,
were significantly associated with an adolescent’s use of violence.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
It's ironic that the woman who put her daughter in the only school with all day kindergarten so that she could pursue her extramarital affair (and make her daughter leave behind all her friends when she changed schools for first grade) should have to do two years of half day kindergarten. Ironic but of course sad for the child, because his mother was always too busy playing on the internet to teach him anything.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
How are children involved?
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/mentalhealthandgrowingup/domesticviolence.aspx
How are children involved?
In relationships where there is domestic violence, children witness about three-quarters of the abusive incidents. About half the children in such families have themselves been badly hit or beaten. Sexual and emotional abuse are also more likely to happen in these families.
How are children affected?
Obviously it is very upsetting for children to see one of their parents (or partners) abusing or attacking the other. They often show signs of great distress.
Younger children may become anxious, complain of tummy-aches or start to wet their bed. They may find it difficult to sleep, have temper tantrums and start to behave as if they are much younger than they are.
Older children react differently. Boys seem to express their distress much more outwardly. They may become aggressive and disobedient. Sometimes, they start to use violence to try and solve problems, as if they have learnt to do this from the way that adults behave in their family. Older boys may play truant and may start to use alcohol or drugs.
Girls are more likely to keep their distress inside. They may withdraw from other people and become anxious or depressed. They may think badly of themselves and complain of vague physical symptoms. They are more likely to have an eating disorder, or to harm themselves by taking overdoses or cutting themselves.
Children with these problems often do badly at school. They may also get symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, for example have nightmares and flashbacks, and be easily startled.
Are there any long-term effects?
Yes. Children who have witnessed violence are more likely to be either abusers or victims themselves. Children tend to copy the behaviour of their parents. Boys learn from their fathers to be violent to women. Girls learn from their mothers that violence is to be expected, and something you just have to put up with.
Children don't always repeat the same pattern when they grow up. Many children don't like what they see, and try very hard not to make the same mistakes as their parents. Even so, children from violent families often grow up feeling anxious and depressed, and find it difficult to get on with other people.
How are children involved?
In relationships where there is domestic violence, children witness about three-quarters of the abusive incidents. About half the children in such families have themselves been badly hit or beaten. Sexual and emotional abuse are also more likely to happen in these families.
How are children affected?
Obviously it is very upsetting for children to see one of their parents (or partners) abusing or attacking the other. They often show signs of great distress.
Younger children may become anxious, complain of tummy-aches or start to wet their bed. They may find it difficult to sleep, have temper tantrums and start to behave as if they are much younger than they are.
Older children react differently. Boys seem to express their distress much more outwardly. They may become aggressive and disobedient. Sometimes, they start to use violence to try and solve problems, as if they have learnt to do this from the way that adults behave in their family. Older boys may play truant and may start to use alcohol or drugs.
Girls are more likely to keep their distress inside. They may withdraw from other people and become anxious or depressed. They may think badly of themselves and complain of vague physical symptoms. They are more likely to have an eating disorder, or to harm themselves by taking overdoses or cutting themselves.
Children with these problems often do badly at school. They may also get symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, for example have nightmares and flashbacks, and be easily startled.
Are there any long-term effects?
Yes. Children who have witnessed violence are more likely to be either abusers or victims themselves. Children tend to copy the behaviour of their parents. Boys learn from their fathers to be violent to women. Girls learn from their mothers that violence is to be expected, and something you just have to put up with.
Children don't always repeat the same pattern when they grow up. Many children don't like what they see, and try very hard not to make the same mistakes as their parents. Even so, children from violent families often grow up feeling anxious and depressed, and find it difficult to get on with other people.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
the cycle continues.......
step-fathers-and-colluding-mothers
Toxic step-fathers and step-mothers are clichés because they’re all too common. But the ubiquity of harassment, bullying and verbal, sexual and physical abuse doesn’t diminish the pain and long-term damage inflicted on defenseless kids.
Of course, kids can also treat their step-parents cruelly, and step-mothers and biological parents can also be relentlessly cruel, but let’s focus here on step-fathers who abuse their size, control and power.
These step-fathers sexually abuse one or all of their step-daughters while the moms ignore the evil. The perpetrators are to blame and the daughters’ anger is rightly focused on these men.
But let’s also look at the moms who won’t see or hear anything bad about their new husbands even though the complaints and evidence are clear, and the damage to their children is striking.
Later, when the complaints and evidence are brought forth by the now-adult and articulate children, these mothers will usually still defend and excuse the predators they invited into their homes. Typically, the mothers whine and demand that their children should perpetuate the lies and secrets. “After all,” they complain, “they deserve a little happiness after all they’ve suffered. Their daughters should understand how hard it was for them.”
Nonsense. These narcissistic mothers deserve nothing; certainly not the allegiance of their abused daughters. Most daughters make repeated overtures of friendship to their uncaring and unsympathetic mothers. The daughters hope that by understanding why their mothers didn’t protect and defend them they’ll be able to forgive their mothers and maintain a loving connection.
I hope that the emotional blackmail and manipulation contained in the word “forgiveness” will be the last straw. How can the mothers heal the wounds they ignored and let fester during years of abuse? In addition, these mothers rarely start making amends by getting rid of the perpetrators.
The daughters, who held the pain and trauma when they were young, are still left holding the emotional bag. There’s no way they can release their anger by simply beating the bullies to death or making them burn slowly, even though he deserves even worse.
Don’t let Toxic Step-Fathers and Colluding Mothers Keep Abusing You
By Ben | March 4, 2010Toxic step-fathers and step-mothers are clichés because they’re all too common. But the ubiquity of harassment, bullying and verbal, sexual and physical abuse doesn’t diminish the pain and long-term damage inflicted on defenseless kids.
Of course, kids can also treat their step-parents cruelly, and step-mothers and biological parents can also be relentlessly cruel, but let’s focus here on step-fathers who abuse their size, control and power.
These step-fathers sexually abuse one or all of their step-daughters while the moms ignore the evil. The perpetrators are to blame and the daughters’ anger is rightly focused on these men.
But let’s also look at the moms who won’t see or hear anything bad about their new husbands even though the complaints and evidence are clear, and the damage to their children is striking.
Later, when the complaints and evidence are brought forth by the now-adult and articulate children, these mothers will usually still defend and excuse the predators they invited into their homes. Typically, the mothers whine and demand that their children should perpetuate the lies and secrets. “After all,” they complain, “they deserve a little happiness after all they’ve suffered. Their daughters should understand how hard it was for them.”
Nonsense. These narcissistic mothers deserve nothing; certainly not the allegiance of their abused daughters. Most daughters make repeated overtures of friendship to their uncaring and unsympathetic mothers. The daughters hope that by understanding why their mothers didn’t protect and defend them they’ll be able to forgive their mothers and maintain a loving connection.
I hope that the emotional blackmail and manipulation contained in the word “forgiveness” will be the last straw. How can the mothers heal the wounds they ignored and let fester during years of abuse? In addition, these mothers rarely start making amends by getting rid of the perpetrators.
The daughters, who held the pain and trauma when they were young, are still left holding the emotional bag. There’s no way they can release their anger by simply beating the bullies to death or making them burn slowly, even though he deserves even worse.
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